I overheard a woman in Rifle a couple weeks ago say, “if it takes longer than 3 years it doesn’t count anyway.” I immediately thought that was a weird thing to say and now that I have SENT my 4+ year project I can confidently say I do not agree. And I didn’t agree when I heard it either.
That is just one comment coming from a tidal wave of a mentality in climbing that doing things fast is one of the most important assessments of success. This mentality has shown up in so many small and large comments, decisions, and judgments I have been around in the climbing world. They range from a super strong climber mentioning an opinion that if a climb takes over so many attempts, the person should just go get stronger first to beginner climbers not trying a climb more than 1 time because if they can’t do a move they decide it’s too hard for them.
I have also heard this concept used to belittle people’s achievements such as, “Did you hear about so and so climbing such and such…I don’t think it counts because…(enter whatever arbitrary number of attempts or seasons they spent working on it.”
Honestly, I refuse to subscribe to that way of thinking. I am taking full value for my long-term achievement and have always admired people who really stuck with a climb through thick and thin. I also admire when people walk away from climbs or put them on hold. And I for sure respect climbers whose joy from climbing comes from flashing or giving any given climb a max of a few attempts.
I am also super psyched for the person who sends something hard for them quickly and is happy about it. To summarize, I have been really trying to be aware of ideas I subscribe to and actively unsubscribe if they don’t serve me or others in maximizing our joy and engagement within our sports. There are so many rules that tell us how to be happy and successful in our sport, and really they are just arbitrary judgments that we don’t need to accept.
My biggest joy in climbing has never come from quick sends. I am straight up obsessed with the direction and motivation that a long-term project provides to my day-to-day, week-to-week, and year-to-year life. I am curious how many other climbers would also really enjoy that approach if it wasn’t so frowned upon.
That said, my love and joy for climbing on this particular project were running pretty dang low this year. You might have heard a recent podcast of the mega performance anxiety I was experiencing… So I am excited to share a finished story of my journey with just one route, Homunculus in Rifle, Colorado, which is now the first 5.14 I have sent, completing a goal I made 16 years ago when I started climbing: Send 5.14.
Overview of My Journey on the Route
Year 1 (2019)
I randomly got on the route because we were in Rifle at the beginning of the season and it was one of the only dry climbs in the area I wanted to climb in. It inspired me because I could imagine doing all the moves, but it definitely felt next level for me and figured it was the perfect progression after sending my first 5.13d the year before. I was hooked, but I was also terrified and felt fully daunted by the route. The climbing on this route scared me. I was afraid of taking falls on it and really had to work through all those fears during the projecting process.
Despite the fear, I was making good progress and then I partially tore my rotator cuff on one of the moves when my kneebar slipped out unexpectedly and I tried to hold on. That was the end of my first year on Homunculus.
Photo by James Lucas of me on Homunculus
Year 2 (2020)
COVID. I didn’t start climbing on the route until later in the summer, but was feeling really good and felt a glimmer of hope of sending. Then, during a routine training session in the climbing gym I smashed my finger into a hold while bouldering and partially tore a ligament.
After trying to let the finger heal for some weeks I went on a 10-day trip to Rifle with the goal of trying to send. Even though I had a good time and enjoyed the trip, there were certain moves that really hurt and sending was not going to happen. That finger ended up getting surgically repaired.
Year 3 (2021)
I am an optimist and I thought I would have surgery in January and be back to climbing on my project by May. Alas, I was climbing in May but only beginning a slow rehab on V0’s. I sent my first post-surgical 5.13 in August of that year and started going to Rifle towards the end of the season. Things just didn’t come together.
Year 4 (2022)
I was healthy, strong, and feeling SOOO good on the climb. I was still fearful of the very top but felt quite confident I would be able to send. The move I was falling at didn’t feel that hard from the hang or even linking from lower, but from the ground it was just powerful enough I didn’t have it in me from the ground. And because the climb is rated 5.14a and I respected the grade too much, I didn’t consider there was better beta for me to find. In my mind it was supposed to feel exactly as hard as it felt.
On the second to last trip of my season I found better beta. What!? There was a perfect foot for me for the move I was falling on, and it was hidden in plain sight! It made the move at least 40% easier. But I was SOOOO burnt out, tired, too skinny “for me” from life stress and not prioritizing eating enough to cover the calories I was burning.
The season felt like it came to an abrupt halt due to weather and coldness, but I was just too tired and over it to show up on the random good weather days. I was sure I would send without any trouble early the next Rifle season. By the end of June, 2023 I was for sure going to have sent. I just knew it.
This year (2023 haha, I have been telling people it’s my 4 year project, but this is the 5th year??)
Due to some unfortunate flooding, the canyon was closed to all climbers and by the time I started getting on Homunculus it felt hot, I felt out of shape, and I was having issues with my right shoulder.
During the first trip after the canyon opened I tweaked my right shoulder pretty badly on the top of the climb. I was so upset but in denial for a few weeks. Many of the moves were acutely painful and I realized I needed to address the shoulder. So I got myself to the PT, got a great rehab plan, and thankfully by August I was able to climb on all the moves with zero pain.
But I felt really out of shape and wasn’t making any links and some of the crux moves were really low percentage. For maybe the first time in all these years, I seriously considered walking away.
Thankfully I didn’t, because that all changed during a week trip to Rifle the first week of September. Things just clicked. I started getting through the bottom crux every try, I was psyched again, felt strong, and big links started happening. However, I got so scared that the season would end and I would walk away from this climb for a long time if not forever. So after a weekend trip and getting a really encouraging one-hang I decided the following week I would put a hold on work, drive to the canyon with my dog–but without my partner–and basically not leave until I sent or it got too cold.
I was ready for battle!
On the first day, conditions didn’t seem that great. It was cold-ish – low 60’s (good thing), but also actively raining (not good thing) and thundering. Thankfully the big lightning had stopped. But whatever, it was just the first go of many.
I was climbing with somebody I had never climbed with before but who had super inspired me with her send of Homunculus the first year I was on it. Basically all my beta came from her! Just realized that is actually pretty awesome to have had her there because she showed me it was possible to begin with.
The send just happened.
photo by James Lucas
All the holds felt good, I executed all of the moves with confidence. I got to the place I normally fall and just felt okay, stuck the move I had never stuck from the ground and then I felt so satisfied that part of me was totally fine with that win. I thought, ‘If I fall on this next move, I’m happy (for the trip, the season, forever, I don’t know??).’ Another part of me thankfully spoke up, and told me to get my heinie to the top. That I could do this.
I didn’t feel nearly as pumped or exhausted as I had visualized or thought I would feel if I got that one hold. With each move I did, my confidence grew, I stayed relaxed, and skipped the last bolt, which I had never been confident enough to do EVER. I did have a moment of fear when I went to clip the chains and felt the massive amount of rope drag and worried I wouldn’t be able to clip. But I got the rope in one of the anchors, then next and yelled “take.”
While lowering down, I asked my belayer, “Did I just do that?” and she said “Yes, you did,” and honestly, there was no massive rush of emotion or relief or excitement. It has been trickling in and coming in waves since then, though.
Don’t get me wrong: I am freaking psyched and I plan on celebrating in all the ways that mean something to me, but there will just be another climb to project. Getting up a certain line of rock ultimately just doesn’t really matter, even if it was one of the most important achievements of my life.
My partner would have loved me if I had sent or not, my dog was psyched when I came down, but obviously didn’t care about the send, my clients would still want to get coaching from me if I didn’t send. I even would’ve still loved myself and appreciated all I had learned along the way if I hadn’t sent. I guess what I am trying to say is that how we feel about our achievements and climbing is personal. Sending isn’t always the only “why” that so many of us climb.
Does the send even matter?
Yes… even if it took over 3 years, which is the time limit that random lady at the crag placed on valid sends. I wouldn’t let anybody take away my achievement because of the time it took.
But the journey mattered WAY more.
Over the years, I have experienced feeling expectations and be disappointed when things didn’t go the way I’d planned. I’ve also learned how to celebrate even the tiniest of wins. I’ve learned how to give myself an objective for the day that helped keep me moving forward rather than feeling stuck. (“My only goal is to get to the anchors 2 times, even if it meant skipping ¾ of the moves.”)
I also somewhere along the way learned how to prioritize what I want. What I wanted started out as being a desire to climb a 5.14a, but it ended up being that I wanted to climb this climb. The fact that I gave myself permission to prioritize my time, finances, emotions, and my full self for something I WANTED was a huge win for me. Putting myself first and this important achievement in my climbing was a huge milestone on this.
The first actual injury I’ve ever had was on this climb, and through this process, I learned to have faith in my body’s ability to heal and my ability to regain fitness and strength, to have compassion for my body year over year, and to accept that my body was different every season. The other huge lesson I learned was to stay in my own lane and not get psyched out by other people’s success on the route in the years I was working on it. It allowed me to feel confident and secure in myself.
Going forward, this experience and everything I’ve learned will help me show up to climbs as a better, more confident climber. I would even argue that the depth of this experience made me a better, more confident climber than I would’ve been if I’d done it in 5 tries or even a single season.
So does this send “count”? Absolutely. I hope my experience helps you validate your own accomplishments, no matter how long or how much effort they take you.
I am so proud of sticking with it and have always wondered if I could persevere enough to do something really, really hard for me. Now I know and I am thankful to climbing for giving me that opportunity.
Work with Me as Your Coach
Now that I’ve sent my long-term project, I have some unexpected openings in my schedule to take on new climbing coaching clients. The options to work with me include the following:
Initial Coaching Call
A 2-hour Zoom call to talk in depth about what you need to do in your climbing, training, and mindset to reach your goals and become a better climber overall. I will provide 1-2 weeks of sample programming for you, and we can talk about next steps in your training.
3-Month Coaching Deep Dive
A 2-hour initial zoom call, then 60-minute follow-up calls every 2 weeks, access to 3 of my previous workshops or courses, full training program for the 3 months, and anytime Q&A with me on the TrueCoach app.
1-Hour Coaching Call
Chat with me about your situation, training equipment, and goals to learn what you need to do moving forward to reach those goals.
If you’re ready to take your climbing to the next level with an experienced, seasoned coach, click the link below.
photo by james lucas
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